well this year I have started to think what am I going to do with my self really. I have a hard start already and I haven't wanted to change who I was.. I am still having a hard time with that. I know what I need to be and what I want to be.. I need a lot of changing to do and I plan on making my day to day changing done on here, I want to be able to look back on this later this year and say look at what I was at and look at what I could be at still. I know I have the loving support from my soon to be husband and my wonderful kids Maddy and Alex. I know that I can be the best wife and be the best mom that I need to be. I know that I can overcome my problems and issues that I have I can not do it alone I can not become better if I do not become weak first, but I do have the support from so many people, I know that the best person to help me out will be my bestie.. they both know the real me and love me for me. I know that I will have the support from Matt I know that he loves me so much, and without him I am nothing and I have come to realize that. He gives me my house, with we will be owning here coming up in the year, he lets me stay home and take care of our kids. He loves me for me and doesn't want me to change just to better myself. he wants the best from me and wants me to be a better person and I know I already am because of him but I want to show him everything I promised him when we first met, I know that I always said that I want to be a stay home mom and I want to cook, clean and take care of kids but hell its harder then what it seems, a big part of me wants to have a job like i used to and i hate that for the first time in my life I am not supporting myself I am allowing matt to take care of me. and wow that is weird. well its getting late and I have a lot to do tomorrow so see a latter.