April 6

So much on the list of to do today, so here I am making a check list and in a check list I will have another check list. lol


1.Get ready for Mandy Wedding to Shauniz
2.Get Maddy ready for the Wedding
3.Leave to go to the wedding at 4 so I am there on time lol
4.After the wedding I need to sit down and make my check list for my wedding coming up.
5.Call the bishop and ask about the date
6.Start planning the wedding

TO MY SISTER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER

Jakki I love you so much, you have been there for me many times and I know that you will always be there for me. Thank you so much for letting Matt and I celebrate our love for each other on your birthday. I swear we will make it work out so we can celebrate your birthday and my wedding anniversary. I was thinking on the 4th of the month we can celebrate your birthday and stay up partying until 12 am, and we can crash/trashed as hell wake up with a hangover from hell but go out for coffee and breakfast, then later that day your lover at the time can take you out for your birthday, and Matt and I can celebrate our anniversary. K 

I love you sis. 

May. 5. 2012 special day coming

well today we went to talk to the bishop( cause he just got a calling into the ward) and he had a lot to say to us. He asked Matt if he wanted to accept a calling in the church, He said yes I would like to. What will I be doing, He said that he will be a "ward missionaries".  He thought it would be great thing cause Matt can relate to people, and he has a way of talking to people cause he has been there and done it. Matt just came to the LDS Church back in June of last year and ever since then he has just grown to a great person. I'm so happy that Matt has opened his eyes to this church and god. I love the LDS church cause they are all about Family and life lessons to become a better person. As for a few things I don't believe in like how we can't eat or drink what we want, and be who we are. I understand where they are coming from cause I understand what they are saying but I feel like they need to let people be who they are.. I'm just going to stop right here cause I could go on forever and make problems.. so ya.. 
Well after Matt agreed to the calling, Matt asked the Bishop " Don't I have to baptized first?" " well that is the thing, We need to know that you want to be baptized in the LDS church and if so then you need to be apart of the priesthood, and of course before you can get baptized you have to get married. would you be willing to do all that?" Matthew and I looked at each other and both said yes. He told us both that he would be willing to pay for whatever we need help with and said that we could get married in the backyard of his house at night cause he can hang out lights that hang down and it would be so pretty I just closed my eyes and pictured and I almost started to cry cause it sounded so great.. I have dreamed of this day forever and I always wanted to get married at night with the stars, and hearing about the lights hanging down just reminded me of that. 
He wanted to do it between the days of April 24-28 but I can't do it between those days cause mom and dad Woolley will not be here and I love them just like my family. I can't get married without them there. I want Kelsey to walk me down the isle and give me to my mom and grandpa and have both of them give me to Matthew, or if my mom will freak out about that I will Madison give me away. 
I just hope everything will go okay I'm really scared to have my mom there cause she says " I ruined the day Madison was born cause I didn't care about her or her feelings, yet it was an emergency c-section and I was all high on drugs that they gave me to clam down.. oh gosh I can see she ruining my wedding.. I'm scared!!!
but I will not let my fear of her freak outs ruin my special day. I will be marrying my best friend,my lover, my life.. Oh Matt you will never know how happy you have made me, you have saved my soul by showing me that your real( I have a soul mate) I know your scared that I will leave you just like Sabrina did to you but Matt I could never do that to you, to me, to us. I love you so much that the thought of my life without you scares me so much. I need you in my life Matthew you, you filled my heart up with so much love.. Matthew with you I'm everything, I can over come anything that is thrown at me but without you I'm nothing but a scared little girl. Matthew you have shown Madison what a real father/daddy does in a family and how they are suppose to be treated. Madison at times acts like she hates Matthew but she tells me all the time that she loves Matt so much and she doesn't want him to leave us too...I cry when I hear her say that but I know that we will be together forever cause we both agree that divorce is not an option if we get married, we will have to make it work cause we both know that we can over come anything thrown at us cause we already have with a lot of help from others but we held each other up through the darkness and fought to stay in love.  I know in my heart soul and everything that I am made up from that I love you and we are meant for each other. 
I can't wait to start planning everything. I think i might just burst with happiness..
well I think that I will go to bed now but I just want to say one last time:
THANK YOU FATE/DESTINY/MY PATH FOR LEADING ME TO MY MATE SO EARLY IN MY LIFE


goodnight.  

so I know its late like its 2:07 a.m. but I can't sleep I can't turn off my mind at all.. I have tried everything watching t.v, taking a warm bath just, drinking warm milk nothing has helped and I think its cause I just have so much to say and not really am one who wants to hear it....
I feel like I'm alone when it comes to my girlfriends, but finally after having a long long long long... you get the point.. talk with Matt last night after a morning of hell.
For some reason he still thinks that I would/could cheat on him, I know its hard for him to trust me cause everything that Sabrina did but I'm not her I'm me, I feel like I was never given a chance he just right away puts up a shield and pushes me away thank god for the fact that I love him with all my heart and I don't believe in divorce( not that we are married yet, but its just a stupid paper saying that I love him, we don't need that paper saying that we know its to be true in my heart.

I know that i have posted a few things just alone today, but I really wanted to post that video of Rylee walking yesterday for Mandy and I, then I wanted to post up the pictures. 
Well today was a hoot, a lot could be said about this day... but thank god that I had my girls with me, Mandy and Jakki of course Maddy too.. well today started out with hanging out with Jakki just walking around sears and babyRus god that was a hard place to be after I had a miscarriage last year, but we were able to get through that hard time. but after Jakki and I left that store we went to Mandy's and hung out with her all day and it was so much fun all i had was just my girls that I loved. I found those cute shoes that I posted up on the post before this I'm going to wear those to my wedding and I found a few dresses that I would like my bridesmaids to look at.. I'm so happy to be planning my wedding to my best friend we might fight we might have different points of views but I love him with all my heart and I need him in my life. Today well I was shopping and looking at all the dresses and rings and just getting everything ready was so real to me I started to cry. well today I have been going on 2 days oh ya I'm doing good. I know I can do it this year. I will be the best that I know I can be. 

this picture is of maddy on her first day of school. Jan 17. 

 I went shopping today with the ladies and found these i want them so bad for the wedding.

I found this dress I could get it to fit 2 girls. 

I love this picture of me.

I wanted to post this video yesterday but however it did  not work last night. So i am not uploading the video of Rylee walking.

well yesterday went well I enjoyed myself all day long. It was hard for me to wake up and get my day started but around 9:45 I got my lazy ass out of the house. I went to go get the debt card from Matthew at his work but the truck died :( 

I even had both kids in the car(Madison and Ethan) I felt bad for them cause it was so cold outside and the truck was getting cold, but thank god for my OCD I put blankets and a few other things in the back of the truck just in case this ever happened. Good thing was the truck ran out of gas right after I turned down matts work so he came and saved the day, took the gas can to the gas station filled it brought it right back... didn't get mad cause I ran out of gas just laughed at me.

well after that I ran to bountiful to hang out with Mandy and her kids.. Sky and Rylee, I love Rylee so much I think its cause right around the sametime Rylee was born I was starting thinking of having babies again it was like god blessed me with someone else's kid to love instead of  blessing me with one. which by all means at the time I was not in the best places of my life when that happened so it was the best that I didn't try to have kids. But Sky she is as cute as a button.. she has a cute little laugh and is full of love.. she always loves up on me. so cute... Now for Sky and Maddy getting along god kill me, its not so much Skys fault for the most part its Madison fault for showing her to do bad/wrong things and Sky looks up to Madison who needs to learn to think before you do, cause she doesn't do that now she just jumps to things without things what will happen if I do this or what would happen if I do this... So I'm trying so hard to get her to learn and ya not going well at all with it. She is still having a hard time with it. I just hope see enough .

back to my day.. once I got to Mandys we got the kids ready then we went out paid bills, drove into SLC, went shopping for nothing just was bored then we were going to go to the artic circle to let the kids play but Ethans mom met us at walmart in centerville to pick him up. once he was picked up we just went to the house and hung out, i helped her clean up and then we did my hair. she is good at doing these things i think she will do good at the datc with the cosmotallagi... I don't know what I wanna do yet it sucks too.. really bad but oh well i think I will keep my phelemboty cerft up today just in case I will have to go back to work someday but I wanna start college even online if I have too but I wanna go to college at least get my generals all done. so that then all I have to do it figure out what I want to major/minor in and go to school for that too..those are my plans in life. I have life plans, today plans, do this year plan.. I make list for everything. lol. sorry I will get back on track 

Okay so after we had dyed my hair we styled it and it looked cute to bad I was just going home to my bed when we finished the hair.. : (

well we had a few good times yesterday too.. Little Miss Rylee took her first long steps we got it on video so I'm trying to sent it to Shawn who is at work back east until this Friday/Saturday Morning Mandy so so happy..I'm happy too for her this break away really has brought my two good/best friends closer together..

well for the bad thing, Mandy is letting a friend of hers stay at her house until she turned on the gas at her house well she was there last night and she wanted Mandy to come have a shot with her, Mandy was talking to Shawn at the time so Tomi and Mandy shots of Volkda where sitting on the counter in the kitchen well I was in the living room with the kids and maddy got up and ran in the kitchen came back in the kitchen and spit everywhere, she had grabbed Tomi's glass instead of her glass and when she figured it wasn't water she spit it out everywhere.. thank god she didn't swallow any I woulds have rushed to the er, but thank god Mandy is a nurse cause I ran to her and asked her for help with what happened, she said just to flush maddy with a lot of water and I did. thank god

maddy did swallow a little cause her face went red and she was really sleepy but she slept okay all night i was worried so I checked on her a few times but she was okay and this morning she was okay all was wrong was she has a small cough, and her nose hurts her a lot. but other then that we are okay. thank god too

well I know that today I will be writing in you two times but I got home really late last night. so I went to bed right away.  so I will see ya later blog

okay well those

well this year I have started to think what am I going to do with my self really. I have a hard start already and I haven't wanted to change who I was.. I am still having a hard time with that. I know what I need to be and what I want to be.. I need a lot of changing to do and I plan on making my day to day changing done on here, I want to be able to look back on this later this year and say look at what I was at and look at what I could be at still. I know I have the loving support from my soon to be husband and my wonderful kids Maddy and Alex. I know that I can be the best wife and be the best mom that I need to be. I know that I can overcome my problems and issues that I have I can not do it alone I can not become better if I do not become weak first, but I do have the support from so many people, I know that the best person to help me out will be my bestie.. they both know the real me and love me for me. I know that I will have the support from Matt I know that he loves me so much, and without him I am nothing and I have come to realize that. He gives me my house, with we will be owning here coming up in the year, he lets me stay home and take care of our kids. He loves me for me and doesn't want me to change just to better myself. he wants the best from me and wants me to be a better person and I know I already am because of him but I want to show him everything I promised him when we first met, I know that I always said that I want to be a stay home mom and I want to cook, clean and take care of kids but hell its harder then what it seems, a big part of me wants to have a job like i used to and i hate that for the first time in my life I am not supporting myself I am allowing matt to take care of me. and wow that is weird. well its getting late and I have a lot to do tomorrow so see a latter.